A little boy and his grandfather are fishing.
The Grandad pulls out a beer and the little boy says, "Grandpa, can I have one of those?"
Grandpa says, "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?"
To which the little boy responds "No."
"Then you can't have one," Grandpa says.
A while later, the Granddad pulls out a cigar and the boy asks, "Can I have one of those?"
Grandpa says, "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?"
To which the little boy responds "No."
"Then you can't have one."
Later on, Grandpa and Grandson go to the grocery store for food and each buy a lottery ticket.
Grandpa is unlucky, but the little boy says, "I just won $50,000"
Grandpa says, "Great, you're going to split that with me, right?"
The little boy says, "Grandpa, is your penis long enough to touch your asshole?"
"Yes," Grandpa says proudly.
"Then go fuck yourself" says the boy
Fred and Edith were living in the Old Folks Home.
One day, Fred says to Edith, "Hey, Edith! You wanna go for a boat ride?"
Edith says, "Sure!"
So, there they were paddling along and they come to a fork in the river.
Fred says, pointing to the left and then to the right," Edith ... up or down?"
Edith says, "What??"
Fred, again, pointing to the left and then to the right, says "Up... or down?"
Well, Edith starts RIPPING her clothes off, then rips the clothes right off of Fred's back and starts screwing the hell out of him! When they're finished, Fred rows back to the Old Folks Home *extremely* happy.
The next week, Fred says "Edith (wink, wink) wanna go for a boat ride?
(wink, wink)" Edith says, "Why, sure!"
So, there they go, Fred paddling like a madman, trying to reach the fork in the river.
They reach the fork and Fred turns anxiously to Edith and says, "Edith! Up or down!?"
Edith looks at the fork in the river and says, "Oh... up, I guess."
Fred looks at her confused and repeats, "Edith... UP or DOWN?"
Edith, again looks at the fork and repeats, "UP."
Fred, looking quite confused says "Edith... what is with you? Last week I said 'up or down' and you
tore your clothes off and screwed me like a madwoman!"
Edith, shocked says: "Is THAT what you said? UP or DOWN? Omigosh... my hearing aid was in
the shop getting fixed last week... I thought you said 'Fuck or Drown'!"